“He who rebukes a man will in the end gain more favor than he who has a flattering tongue.”
~ Proverbs 28:23
Hi James and Ellen,
How do you feel when your dad and/or ma or a teacher rebukes you? How do you feel when your dad and/or ma tell you to stop complaining? How do you feel when a teacher tells you to stop talking in class? To rebuke means to admonish, reprimand, scold, chide, reprove or haul over the coals. Have you ever been hauled over the coals by your dad and/or ma or by a teacher? Do you think that it is good thing to be rebuked by your dad and/or ma or by a teacher? The Proverbs Book has thirty-one chapters in it. Except for the last chapter in Proverbs – which talks about your grandmaa, every other chapter in Proverbs is made up of one micro message after another. Proverbs 28 has twenty-eight micro messages. These micro messages are jumbled up in each chapter. Almost every verse in every chapter in the Proverbs Book has a specific message for your grandpaa. Your grandpaa could do with each verse in each Proverb chapter as your grandpaa is doing with each chapter in the Bible. The writers of the micro messages that are found in Proverbs often refer to a guy as a fool – with a fool being a guy who does not do what is the right thing to do. Do you think that being a fool is good? Do you know how a guy, gal or kid becomes a fool? A fool is a guy, gal or kid who allows himself or herself to be bamboozled by another guy, gal or kid. Have you ever gotten bamboozled by a guy, gal or kid? To bamboozle a guy, gal or kid is to try to fool the guy, gal or kid. When a guy, gal or kid fools another guy, gal or kid, that guy, gal or kid has made himself or herself into a fool. The guy, gal or kid who is allowed to or who tries to make another guy, gal or kid a fool, that guy, gal or kid is to be rebuked. What will you do if your dad and/or ma or a teacher never rebukes you for you having done something that you should not have done? You will do the same thing again that you should not do. What will you do if your dad and/or ma or a teacher uses flattery as a way to stop you from doing whatever it might be that you should not be doing? You will do the same thing again that you should not do. Verse 23 explains the value of rebuking versus flattering: “He who rebukes a man will in the end gain more favor than he who has a flattering tongue.” What is your dad and/or ma or a teacher doing when they are flattering you? It is fine for your dad and/or ma or a teacher to praise or compliment you – if it is for something good that you have done. If your dad and/or ma or a teacher uses flattery as way to try to stop you from doing something that you should not do, your dad and/or ma or teacher is trying to sweet-talk, smooth talk or butter you up – hoping that by flattering you that you will no longer do whatever is that you are doing that you should not be doing.
What words do you find hurts you the most – flattering or rebuking words? Your grandpaa knows that guys, gals and kids like to be flattered. Your grandpaa likes to be praised and complimented. Your grandpaa is sure that you like to be praised and complimented, too. How do you feel when you are flattered? You feel real good inside if it is for something good that you have done. How do you feel when you are rebuked? Your grandpaa knows that guys, gals and kids do not like to be rebuked. Your grandpaa knows what it is like to be rebuked. Your grandpaa knows that it hurts inside to be told that he has been doing something that he is not to be doing. Your grandpaa feels angry inside when he is rebuked – even if your grandpaa knows that what he has done is something that was not the right thing for him to do. When your grandpaa was the Field Director for the South America Mission (SAM) Bolivia field missionary team, something that your grandpaa was expected to do by SAM’s mission leaders was to sit down at least once a year with each missionary unit that was in Bolivia and just before each missionary unit was to return to the United States for a furlough break to talk with them about how they were doing and about what they had done. A missionary unit could be a single guy or gal or a married couple. Your grandpaa during a scheduled session with a furloughing missionary unit was expected to use an evaluation form that had been generated by SAM’s home office in Lake Worth, Florida. SAM’s mission leaders required that your grandpaa get input from the three SAM Bolivia Field Committee members as part of a missionary unit’s term ending evaluation. The first missionary unit who your grandpaa met with before this couple left on their yearlong furlough break became upset with your grandpaa. The couple was unhappy because the guys on the Bolivia Field Committee did not rate them as having done excellent in the different aspects of missionary life and ministry. Even though the yearly and term ending evaluations were not designed to rebuke, anything less than excellent for this missionary unit felt like a rebuke to them for not having done better. Your grandpaa after his session with that missionary unit began to only focus in the evaluations on the ministry or life areas where a missionary unit is doing well. Your grandpaa thinks that too often a guy, gal or kid is told that he or she should do whatever possible to pursue improvement in the areas of his or her life that God has not hardwired to be his or her strength areas while in other areas of life in which the guy, gal or kid is functioning well are not commended as they should be. Your grandpaa believes that if a guy or gal is encouraged to continue to use his or her God-given hardwired gifts or abilities, that that guy or gal will never need to be rebuked.
A scar is a visual memory of a cut. Pain invariably comes with a cut. A cut takes time to heal. A rebuke will cause an invisible scar. The pain of a cut will go away just as will the hurt of a rebuke. It is good to learn to give caring rebukes. It is even better to learn to accept loving rebukes. Your grandpaa hopes that you will never be a fool.
Proverbs 28 (136)